If I ever get married again
May 9, 2016
When I was in my early 20′s I was spared the whole push-to-marriage that so many young adults deal with because I was already married when I was 19. (I was also spared the push-to-college but that’s a rant for a different day).
I celebrated my 3 year divorceaversary last month and well- meaning family and friends keep asking me if I’ve thought about getting married again. The short answer is “no.” The longer answer is “maybe, but not right now.”
I’ve heard all sorts of bullshit rationale for why I should revisit the whole death-do-you-part lifestyle and I’m not buying any of it.
Google’s Mother’s Day Doodle Sucks This Year
May 8, 2016
As a mom, I can tell you that every single day of my life is spent “for the kids”
There’s little time left for me and even on the 4 nights a month that they’re with their dad I spend time doing laundry and dishes and living for my kids.
My youngest is 8 now, and if you happen to be a mom of smaller kids, I tip my hat to you (It’s a Girl Scout baseball cap and not something stylish, just so you know).
I clearly remember waking up to the sound of a screaming infant, sipping coffee while monitoring the busy-bee activities of an active toddler and soothing myself to the promises of more experienced moms who told me “It will get easier”
Living On The Edge
May 4, 2016
My dad used to say “If you’re not on the edge, you’re taking up too much space.” He meant that it was important to be up-to-date on news, technology and innovation, but that’s not the “living on the edge” that I’m talking about. I’m talking about literally standing at the edge of a cliff in a windstorm with waves crashing beneath my feet a thousand miles below me.
Being a single mom is hard, especially in my head. I commute a total of 16 miles a day, it can take anywhere from 40-90 minutes a day. Those two sentences seem unrelated, unless you’re me in the car white-knuckling for 40-90 minutes a day afraid that at any moment a car is going to swerve out of nowhere and kill me, leaving my kids without a mom.
Great Minds Discuss Ideas
May 2, 2016
It’s been said that “small minds discuss people, average minds discuss events and great minds discuss ideas” (though apparently there’s some dispute about who actually said it and which exact words they used, though it’s most often attributed to Eleanor Roosevelt).
I’m not a great mind, I’m fascinated by people and super inspired by their stories, whether they’re stories of success or stories of failure. Recovering from a narcissistic relationship is weird. Some of the personal work I have to do is examining my own mindset and discovering ways that I allow my “light to be dimmed” by trying to live up to the expectations of other people, or my own self-talk. It’s really weird. Because in order to be in a relationship like that you have to detach; it doesn’t matter what you think or how you feel about anything, it only matters how you’re perceived in light of the abuser’s insecurities. If that sounds a bit like trying to balance a wobbly gyroscope by firing at it with a slingshot full of broken rubber bands, then you’re understanding the situation really well. It’s as hopeless as it sounds.
Four Books Available in Print Right Now
March 1, 2016
OK, so the illustration process for my children’s books is taking a lot longer than I anticipated. Originally, my goal was to be finished by the time my oldest daughter’s wedding rolled around and that’s in 12 days, so that might not actually happen. But in the meantime, I have published a few other, less labor-intensive books. The experiences I’ve had working with the publishing platform have been important and the income from these will definitely help my life situation, but they’re not children’s books, they’re more like children’s book diversions. Either way… enjoy
Divorce Journal for Women
This book is a personal writing journal, it has empowering divorce-positive quotes on the left-side pages and lined paper interspersed throughout, for personal journaling. My divorce was a very positive thing in my life and I got sick of seeing so many references to divorce being a bad thing, I just wanted to create a resource for women who were determined to see it as a stepping stone toward a life of freedom and positive personal growth. I have a lot more of these inspirational-quote-driven journals that I’ll be publishing via the Luckiest Girl Publishing website, so you might want to head over there and check it out.
Ditch the “Unified Front” Please
February 15, 2016
The experiences a child has with their parents become the building blocks for all future relationships. Sometimes this is a good thing, sometimes it’s not. One of my favorite quotes is by Pam Leo and it states “Let’s raise children who don’t have to recover from their childhoods.”
Anyway, here’s the deal. We’ve recently become entangled with a family who has the most delightful 17 yr old son. Like many 17 yr olds he’s craving some independence. He’s the only child of a divorced couple. Mom has remarried, so the three adults work together to be his parent. Only, he’s growing up now and the “techniques” they used in the past aren’t “working” and they’re super stressed about it.
I blame this headache on Amanda Palmer, and THANK YOU
January 28, 2016
I recently read Amanda Palmer’s The Art of Asking: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help. I’d seen her Ted Talk video a few years ago and downloaded the book onto my Kindle and didn’t bother to read it until recently, mainly because the beginning of the book is so much like the video that I didn’t think it had much more to offer. And truthfully, the video gets the point across pretty well.
After reading the book, however, I laid in bed and couldn’t think of anything I wanted. The things I could think of weren’t things anyone could give me. More time with my kids? Less need for sleep? Neverending peace and tranquility? Better dental insurance? The ability to eat a croissant without getting sick? A universal parking pass for all Seattle city street parking spaces? Do any of these things even exist?
So I published a real official book last week
January 17, 2016
You can read the complicated version of the story here on my Write for Income website: Right on Schedule…
Or you can just buy it (free for a limited time with Kindle Unlimited) and once the print place replaces my manuscript with the one that has no links in it (because duh… people with books in their hand can’t really click on things, can they – also why didn’t I think of that before?)
After that happens it will also be available to hold in your hand. if that’s a thing for you.
It seems like it should be a big deal but it’s not. It’s just one. Plenty of people my age have written and published many many more. Plus the entire thing took less than a day from start to finish. Anyway it’s done and it keeps me on schedule for the many many many more books I plan to publish this year. Also, incidentally, I launched a new website to go with the book (because launching websites is what I do when I’m not doing actual writing) You’ll find that at http://GlutenFreePregnancy.com
I’m so lucky to be your mama
December 30, 2015
There are so many ways to say “I love you” and sometimes with little kids, they’re hard to hear. Like when a child crawls into your lap sobbing, they’re often saying “I love you; you make me feel better and right now I need to feel better.”
Whether I have sick kids, tired kids, angry kids or sad kids… they all find nontraditional ways to reach out and remind me that they love me. The thing is, they’re not saying it because they think I need to hear it, they’re saying it because they feel it.
When I was married, we went to a pre-marriage counseling session where we were told that no matter what happens, it’s important that we remind ourselves that we really do love one another. For a while, I started saying “I love you” when I really felt other things, mostly to remind myself that in spite of the fact that I was feeling angry at the moment, underneath it all was love. I still do that with my girls sometimes. If one of them are being a big jerk, I tell them that I love them, sort of to remind myself that even though this moment is difficult, I love them and I know the moment will pass.
December 22, 2015
I’ve lived in several places but there are very few that ever “felt like home.” I always had some kind of inner angst to to travel and roam, never feeling particularly attached to any specific place or structure. I still have the wanderlust, but it’s lessened and maybe I’m getting older or something but there’s really no place like home.
When I was married, I often HATED our home. I think the only one I liked was the one we bought and remodeled ourselves. I loved it in spite of the fact that I got a finishing nail stuck in my eye socket when I was removing the wood paneling. I loved it until the very walls themselves began to remind me of how unhappy of a place it was.